Formal Letter Activity
Subject: Formal letter of introduction
Dear Professor Blackstone,
I hope this email finds you well. My name is Jonathan Tay, and I am excited to be part of your Critical thinking and communication class this trimester. I would like to introduce myself and share more about my background, communication skills, and goals for this module.
I started out in ITE college central with civil engineering, followed by Singapore Polytechnic again with civil engineering and finally SIT with civil engineering, totaling five years. Over the years, I found a deeper understanding and appreciation for civil engineering and more specifically drafting. I love to draw buildings and watch them take shape from a simple 2d drawing to full sized building that will eventually get built which will be a testament to my hard work.
Regarding my communication skills, one of my strengths is my ability to easily talk to others. I enjoy meeting new people and expanding my network, and it really shows during group work where I can be seen keenly discussing with my group members. However, I recognize that public presentation is an area where I need improvement as I sometimes do get the tremors in my hands when I present and it only further increases my stress which, in turn, worsens my tremors, thus distracting me from presenting which I really dislike.
For this module, I have two specific goals: Firstly, I want to try to find ways to get over my tremors, as I do feel that it impacts my confidence alot when presenting. Secondly, I want to find my ideal presentation style.
What sets me apart from others is my outgoing personality. I am known as the social butterfly and a happy pill within my many groups, and I love to bring joy to others around me which I openly show.
I look forward to learning from you and engaging with the course material. I appreciate your time and any guidance you can provide.
Best regards,
Jonathan Tay
SIT Civil Engineering
Commented on:
Vjith
Wen cong
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Hi Jonathan!
ReplyDeleteInteresting self-introduction letter and I definitely learn a lot more about you! I find your passion for drawing full sized buildings commendable because not many people have the patience and like doing that.
As for your Communication skills, I certainly didn't know you feel nervous when presenting, but that is also something I struggle with. Hopefully we can overcome this together and become better in our presentation skills!
I agree that you are a social butterfly from our many interactions, and I love that you bring positive energy wherever you go, that is something I need to learn from you. All the best to you!
Hi Vellyn,
DeleteThank you so much for reading my blog! I didn't know you also struggled with presenting, let's work hard together to overcome our nervousness in this module!
Regards,
Jonathan
Hey John,
ReplyDeleteI am glad to have read your letter. It is very informative and allowed me to have a greater understanding of your past and your future goals. I believe we both share similar weaknesses in our communication skills, especially presentations. I hope that we will better our presentation skills by the end of the trimester. I agree with you on being a happy pill who brings joy to the people around him from experience.
I wish you the best of luck in your journey.
Warm Regards,
Vishva
Hello Vishva,
DeleteThank you for taking the time to read my blog! I am glad to see another person with tremors from presenting. I hope we can work together to overcome our flaws to flourish through this course together!
Regards,
Jonathan
Subject: Feedback on Your Formal Letter of Introduction
ReplyDeleteDear Jonathan,
Thank you for your email and for taking the time to introduce yourself so thoughtfully. I appreciate your effort to share your background, strengths, and goals for this module. Below, I’ve provided some feedback on your letter, focusing on both its strengths and areas for improvement.
Strengths
Clarity and Structure:
Your letter is well-structured with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
The purpose of your email is communicated effectively, and each paragraph builds on your main point of introducing yourself.
Engagement and Relevance:
Your passion for civil engineering and drafting comes through vividly, which helps me understand your academic journey and interests.
Including your goals for the module demonstrates a proactive and thoughtful approach to your learning.
Personal Touch:
Your outgoing personality and enthusiasm are reflected well in your letter. Referring to yourself as a “social butterfly” adds a personal and relatable element.
Areas for Improvement
Grammar and Word Choice:
In the phrase, “I do feel that it impacts my confidence alot,” “alot” should be replaced with “a lot.” Similarly, “do get the tremors” could be rephrased for conciseness, e.g., “sometimes experience tremors.”
The sentence, “...watch them take shape from a simple 2d drawing to full sized building...” would benefit from slight adjustments: “...watch them take shape from a simple 2D drawing to a full-sized building...”
Parallelism:
In listing your goals, ensure consistent parallel structure. For example, “Firstly, I want to try to find ways to get over my tremors” could be rephrased to “Firstly, I aim to overcome my tremors.”
Sentence Fluency:
Some sentences could be more concise. For instance, “...and finally SIT with civil engineering, totaling five years” could be streamlined to “...and finally civil engineering at SIT, completing five years of study.”
Tone and Professionalism:
While your enthusiasm is engaging, phrases like “a happy pill” might come across as overly casual for a formal letter. Consider rephrasing to maintain professionalism, e.g., “I am known for my positivity and ability to uplift others.”
Suggestions for Growth
Public Speaking Skills: As overcoming your tremors is one of your goals, consider practicing mindfulness techniques before presentations to ease anxiety.
Presentation Style: You might explore watching effective presenters to identify elements that resonate with you and incorporate them into your own style.
Overall, this is a solid introduction that effectively conveys your enthusiasm, personality, and goals. I look forward to working with you in this module.
Best regards,
Chee Wen Cong
Hello Wen Cong,
DeleteThank you for taking your time not only to read my blog but to also give me detailed feedback on my strengths and flaws which i'm sure took a long time to do. I will take the time to read up on your careful assessment of me and I will be sure to not let your efforts go to waste by improving on as much flaws that i have.
Regards,
Jonathan Tay
Dear Jonathan,
ReplyDeleteSorry for the apparent gitch with delaying this comment. (I'm writing comments a second time; I know that because, among all the letter I read, I recall commenting earlier on your happy pill.)
I really appreciate this well developed and informative letter. You have addressed all the areas of the brief, and you've done so while sharing relevant and interesting details.
You mention, for example, your passion for drawing and that you enjoy being able to "draw buildings and watch them take shape from a simple 2d drawing to full sized building." You connect this to hard work, a value which I applaud. I see the same effort in our class sessions as you work to stay engaged and contribute.
You also clearly share on your comms skills strength, a weakness, your aims, and the trait that may distinguish you from others, your outgoing personality. I appreciate how you "bring joy to others around me." That "happy pill" is certainly a social gift that will ingratiate you with others.
I'm happy to be joining you at this stage of your learning journey :), and I look forward to working more with you.
Best wishes,
Brad
Dear Prof Blackstone,
ReplyDeleteThank you for re-writing your comment. I really appreciate you spending twice as much time with me compared to others when you didn't have to. I also really love to read your thoughts on my letter and I only hope i can continue to impress you throughout the trimester.
I will also be glad to share my gift of being a happy pill with others in my class as we try to attain high grades together under your tutelage.
My regards,
Jonathan